Bought and paid for and other stuff – redux

Let's try this again.

It appears that Wisconsin in now a wholly owned subsidiary of BIG BILLIONAIRES.  The fact that an election can be purchased sends chills down my spine.  It makes me wonder if Romney will be able to purchase his way to the presidency to say nothing of senators, representatives and governors.

In other news we're still waiting for 30 of our 40 acres to sell.  We, mostly Larry, have done a tremondous amount of work getting the property in shape.  He's made numerous trips to the dump in addition to filling a huge dumpster with junk from one particular unit.  It's the one I've written about before.  The one that I needed to rake the rug to get the first level of garbage removed.

My tomatoes are growing by the minute and 2 have blossoms already.  Speaking of blossoms my lime tree which is 3 years old has finally produced what appears to be a nice crop of limes.  The mandarin orange on the other hand has yet to realize it's a fruit tree.  The seeds in the mini greenhouse were kind of a bust but I will have a bumper crop of lemon cucumbers and asian eggplant.

Last but certainly not least I went 2 weeks inbetween visits to Dr. Sanity.  I was a bit worried afterall I've been sitting on her couch weekly for quite a long time but I sailed through.

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Declinging

I've been referring to myself as Dr. Sanity's clinging vine since the first day I sat down in her office almost 4 long, grueling, painfilled years ago.  In the beginning I was seeing her 2 or 3 times a week and talking to her on the phone when I wasn't with her.  If she went out of town I would literally fall apart.  It's been a long strange ride let me tell you.

About 6 months ago I went from twice a week in her office to once a week and not falling apart every time she had to leave town.  It was a great step forward.  Now I'm taking the next step seeing her only every other week.  It feels so good to be stable and standing on my own sanity.

I can thank Dr. Sanity enough for her support, persistence, love and guidence.  She has been my rock while I was regathering myself into some semblance of a human being.

 

Purged

I've been on a purging streak the last couple of weeks – the pantry, the spice cabinet, the stairway bookshelves and the living room bookshelves.  It's been very cleansing.  Kitchen stuff and duplicate spices given away, a carton of books to go to the used bookstore and a large bag to go to the friends of the library.  Left in the house to tackle the bedroom bookshelf and the huge pile of books on the floor in front of it and my closet.  I've lost almost 30 pounds so I know there's stuff that will no longer fit YEAH.  

Then comes the big tackle outside.  The great wall of Mill Creek is covered in wild blackberries yummy to eat but not pleasing on my gardener eye.  In fact the entire area around the house is full of blackberries.  That's what comes of living in the forest.  Any time you rest the blackberries invade.  Little does Larry know that he's going to weed eat the hill so I can Round Up the lovely berries.

I'm able to do all this because I've spent the last four years on Dr. Sanity's couch reclaiming my life after the nasty depression.  Yes for talk therapy and psych drugs.

Depression

or the blessed lack there of.  I've battled it for years now, to the edge of suicide more than once and back.  I never want to hear anyone say "oh you can just snap out of it".  No, you can't trust me I tried my very best to snap out of it.  With the help of a wonderful therapist and drugs depression is at bay.  I won't say it's behind me because I don't think that's true.  But it doesn't control my life like it has in the past.  It's nice to see color again, worry about my garden again, want to participate in life again.

Bless you Dr. Sanity and Abilify without the 2 of you I wouldn't be here. 

Just what is normal?

That's what Dr. Sanity and I explored this week.  After cancer, perforated bowelLarry's gator trick and Mason's death  I feel that I'm finally getting myself back, you know, nearly normal.  Whatever that means.

Dr. Sanity suggested that normal is an ever changing thing.  I decided that normal means whatever you decide it means and can only belong to you.   No one else can decide what your normal is, they just need to worry about getting their own normal.  

 

I love and appreciate myself – quote from my 2012 calendar

Um, not so much. 

I'm fat, I'm lazy, I'm not a consistently good friend to my oldest and dearest friends.  Ther is always a book to be read or a garment to be knitted that comes before doing what I really need to do.  But I'm working on it.  Dr. Sanity as commented that I'm very hard on myself and I acknowledge that I set standards for myself that I don't expect others to meet.  I think that I was so sick as a kid that I wanted to be perfect in every other way so I wouldn't take even more attention from my sisters that I already did.

So here we go launching 2012 looking toward fulfilling as those New Year's goals.  70 pounds to go, 3 days of exercise a week to institute, more time on Dr. Sanity's couch so I can grow to love my self.  Also need to keep working on the not humble, tolerent or patient thing which is getting much better but still has room to go. 

$981 for one month?????????

Yes because I'm now in the Medicare drug gap $981 is what I must pay for 5 prescriptions for 1 month's worth of said prescriptions.  My portion of the gap is a total of $3500.  That's the amount I must pay before my medicare drug plan kicks in again.  So far I've forgone 2 prescriptions because of the cost, the result a runny nose and stuffed up ears.  I've forked out $ 500 for 1 prescription I can't stop taking or things would be ugly around here.  Like leaving Larry and Dr. Sanity letters and heading out to the ocean to drown ugly.

Fortunately the clock resets January 1, but in a bid to make my prescriptions cheaper and my gap smaller I have the priviledge of paying a $99 premium rather than a $20 premium.  This premium is of course separate from the $300 I must pay Medicare (thank you American Express*) AND the $249 Medigap coverage I have.

We need insurance company reform along with healthcare reform.  Healthcare reform on it's own will be a joke unless the insurance companies are forced in line.  All health insurance companies should be non-profit.

Just another reason why I hate George Bush.

 

*I am disabled from American Express.  Last year they decided that I must get Medicare or some other form of insurance,  BWAAA HAAA.  I'd been told that Medicare premiums were about $120 a month.  Not bad I thought and even with the Medigap premium I'd be saving about $100 a month on insurance.  NOT SO FAST because there's a catch in Medicare if you're under 65 which I am.  I must pay the regular Medicare premium IN ADDITION to a $170 penalty because of my age.