Declinging

I've been referring to myself as Dr. Sanity's clinging vine since the first day I sat down in her office almost 4 long, grueling, painfilled years ago.  In the beginning I was seeing her 2 or 3 times a week and talking to her on the phone when I wasn't with her.  If she went out of town I would literally fall apart.  It's been a long strange ride let me tell you.

About 6 months ago I went from twice a week in her office to once a week and not falling apart every time she had to leave town.  It was a great step forward.  Now I'm taking the next step seeing her only every other week.  It feels so good to be stable and standing on my own sanity.

I can thank Dr. Sanity enough for her support, persistence, love and guidence.  She has been my rock while I was regathering myself into some semblance of a human being.

 

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Progress

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Closet – done, 3 big garbage bags of clothes and a couple of pair of shoes to Goodwill.  Another 2 bags of clothes to friends.  My closet is pretty empty but what a waste letting all the stuff I didn't and wouldn't ever wear to sit for another year.

Bedroom bookshelves – done, with the living room, stairway and bedroom shelves that make 1 cartoon, 2 big bags and three grocery bags of books gone.  Now I know what I've got that I haven't yet read.  No more new books except for bookclub and Rachel Maddow's book Drift until those are gone.

Tomatoes – planted.  They arrived yesterday.  I always get my plants from the Natural Gardening CompanyThis year I got a San Marzano, Black cherry tomato, Amish paste, Costoluto Gevonese, Carmelo and Rampao.  I hope they all grow and prosper this year.  Last year was a sucky year for tomatoes. 

Seeds – most are growing, some so fast you can see them.  More tomatoes, mini bell peppers, 3 kinds of asian egg plant, lemon cucumbers and lots of flowers.

Purged

I've been on a purging streak the last couple of weeks – the pantry, the spice cabinet, the stairway bookshelves and the living room bookshelves.  It's been very cleansing.  Kitchen stuff and duplicate spices given away, a carton of books to go to the used bookstore and a large bag to go to the friends of the library.  Left in the house to tackle the bedroom bookshelf and the huge pile of books on the floor in front of it and my closet.  I've lost almost 30 pounds so I know there's stuff that will no longer fit YEAH.  

Then comes the big tackle outside.  The great wall of Mill Creek is covered in wild blackberries yummy to eat but not pleasing on my gardener eye.  In fact the entire area around the house is full of blackberries.  That's what comes of living in the forest.  Any time you rest the blackberries invade.  Little does Larry know that he's going to weed eat the hill so I can Round Up the lovely berries.

I'm able to do all this because I've spent the last four years on Dr. Sanity's couch reclaiming my life after the nasty depression.  Yes for talk therapy and psych drugs.

I suck at math

specifically at multiplication and division.  Yes me a former budget analyst can't do 3rd grade math in my head anymore.  Thank you American Express.  It's a long story and I'm not going there.

I've discovered two new wonderful sites lumocity and kahn academy that have pointed out to me that I can no longer do simple math.  Lumocity is more fun, their slogan is "reclaim your brain".  Kahn academy is more like having a tutor.

Oh, I also had reinforced that I can't spell my way out of a paper bag.  I already knew that.  Spoken language is not a problem ask Larry but spelling that's an entirely different country.  Thank goodness for spell check.

Depression

or the blessed lack there of.  I've battled it for years now, to the edge of suicide more than once and back.  I never want to hear anyone say "oh you can just snap out of it".  No, you can't trust me I tried my very best to snap out of it.  With the help of a wonderful therapist and drugs depression is at bay.  I won't say it's behind me because I don't think that's true.  But it doesn't control my life like it has in the past.  It's nice to see color again, worry about my garden again, want to participate in life again.

Bless you Dr. Sanity and Abilify without the 2 of you I wouldn't be here. 

Well we'll have to see about that.

I'm been meaning to start some seeds for a few weeks now.  I have this cool little green house that I found at Big Lots and lots of seeds I got from the Seedbank.

Today I finally got them in the seed starter.  Lemon cucumbers, asian trio eggplant, san Marzano tomatoes and white tomatoes.  Also flowers, lots and lots of different flowers to spice up the yard in a few months.  I have no clue where I'm going to plant all the veggies once they spring up as my raised beds have long since been invaded by wild berry bushes.  I guess they'll end up tucked among the flowers.  What an interesting looking garden that will make.

My poor garden has suffered greatly since I was diagnosed with cancer – 6 years ago tomorrow – as I said the blackberries have invaded almost everywhere.  It is disheartening to work on one section of the great wall of Mill Creek only to look down it's 140ft length and see endless berries in front of you.  But one of these days I WILL get them all out and reclaim my beloved garden.

Thanks for the inspiration mfamama.  Here's to gardening with dirt under your nails.